“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”

 Ralph Waldo Emerson



Individuality really does take courage and strong will. You have to believe in yourself and work extremely hard to prove people wrong. I have always been a strange person with a very particular "voice". But I have finally gotten to that point where I am happy with the direction my work is going in. But it hasn't always been easy and it still isn't always easy. From the beginning, people have either loved or hated my style of photography. I love to edit, that is obvious, and I have always strive for my photos to look like the paintings that I have always loved since I was a child. I am very emotional about my own work and about the work of others. Sometimes a beautiful painting or photograph can bring me to tears. I am overwhelmed by beauty and have never been good at taking a raw photo. I do not like harsh high fashion photography, white backgrounds, or ironic themes. I want my photos to leave a positive impact on the viewer, the same way my favorite art leaves an impact on me. I don't know if I have reached that point yet, but I can say that I have been successful in creating a style that is unique and my own, that leaves in impression, for better or for worse. Sometimes people will try and overlook you, they will opt for the safe choice most of the time. But I believe if you work hard and demand to be noticed you will be noticed. I am not  where I would like to be in my career yet and someday I really hope to be shooting for well known designers, the artists I cherish, but I do want to say for myself and for anyone reading, that you should always create for yourself. No matter what anyone says. No matter if it sets you back a few years and you have to work harder than if you just conform. But there is no victory in conforming because art is one of the only things we leave behind in this world, and I don't know about you, but I want to be remembered for making something different. 

 

Tom Waits says it best:

 "In the forest, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. Every day, the straight tree would say to the crooked tree, "Look at me...I'm tall, and I'm straight, and I'm handsome. Look at you...you're all crooked and bent over. No one wants to look at you." And they grew up in that forest together. And then one day the loggers came, and they saw the crooked tree and the straight tree, and they said, "Just cut the straight trees and leave the rest." So the loggers turned all the straight trees into lumber and toothpicks and paper. And the crooked tree is still there, growing stronger and stranger every day.”

― Tom Waits

Thank you to all of you who have stuck by me and have been supportive of my photography. Much love to you all!!

Model: Vanessa Jobb @ Premiere London, Makeup & Hair: Julianna Grogan, Wardrobe: Ashley Bristow

First off Happy New Year everyone! 2011 was so amazing for me. I moved to NYC, then to Paris....then to London...and then finally settled in Barcelona. I got married to my wonderful  husband, worked with great teams around Europe and did shoots I'm really proud of. Yesterday was kind of an amazing day for me. I uploaded a picture to Vogue Italia and they chose to feature it in the photo of the day section! It was really exciting for me and was further motivation for me to keep working hard.

Right before new year I shot at the old Ritz Hotel in Barcelona. The room was so beautiful I couldn't believe it! It ended up being a dream shoot. I had such an amazing team! The model was Luba Borovikova from Fleming models, Nicoletta Gauci for hair, Laura Sanchez for makeup, Bibian Blue for wardrobe, and some lovely hair pieces made by Jannie Baltzer.  My friend & fellow photographer Gabriella Sutori helped out. It's always so great when you have a team that automatically clicks with the idea like we did. Nicoletta & Laura are such amazing artists I was so lucky to get to work with them. I had worked with Nicoletta on a couple of my favorite shoots back in LA before she took off to Italy to work for Paul Mitchell. I'm so excited that we live close enough (Barcelona in little over an hour away from where she is in Italy by plane) to start collaborating again. We have another shoot this coming Monday and I'll post in when it's out!

Here are some behind the scene photos (taken by my lovely husband) as well as my favorite shots from the shoot. 

me and my friend Gabriella Sutori (En-Route Photography) on the shoot.

nicoletta and luba

exploring..

Today has felt a little likea dream. The only thing making me believe I was actually awake was the wind on my face. Had it not touched me, you could have fooled me. Everything around me was so beautiful. Fall in Spain, the large, gorgeous leaves and tree lined streets were so..extraordinary. I listened to people, their voices speaking a language I still don't understand, laughing, sharing drinks together. Even though I knew I was way off I imagined what they were talking about. It was more fun that way anyway. Everything about this part of the world is full of so much passion I've realized how dead part of me was before I came here. I am inspired by the strength every moment has here. Every moment of my life, even the quiet ones alone, are filled with thoughts of so much real possiblity. I am aware that everyday can change things for me so drastically. I feel more comfortable and safe here than ever. I live in a world where a plane ticket to Berlin costs 32 euros and in only a few hours I would be transported to another culture, new landscape, new everything. It's not Berlin really, it's anywhere. I feel such comfort that whenever I need a change I can have that change for a little while. I had a conversation with a brilliant makeup artist the other day about going to Lisbon for a shoot. Portugal. I've never even dreamed of Portugal. But now I do. I dream of adventures in Lisbon, creating art, and memories. But I am also safe in love with an amazing person who wants my gypsy heart to thrive. He wants to come with me and experience it all too. That is biggest gift life has given me. 

pink house in the woods

wild mushrooms

Barcelona...

So....I got married!

....and it's awesome! 

Which is why I am in Spain. My husband is from Barcelona and after some immigration issues we have found out we are probably staying for the next year or so before moving back to Los Angeles. Which is definitely not something to complain about. Barcelona is absolutely amazing!

people having drinks in the square 

old folks playing petanca in the park by our place

 Okay...maybe I didn't feel that way instantly when I found out we had to stay. Sure, I really like Barcelona. I liked the idea that we would come back a few times a year. I liked the idea that our kids would call this place their second home. But living here indefinitely seemed like a scary concept. What about my people back home? Work? Language? I had already been living in Europe for 5 months (Paris, London, and Barcelona) and I missed home. Also the cultural differences were hard to deal with at first. Americans wake up early, we live our lives completely around work and base a lot of our self worth on our jobs. We eat earlier (and more often), go to work earlier, and rarely take a vacation. When I first began living here 6 months ago it drove me nuts because I was still in that same frame of mind. The months I spent in Paris and London came with cultural differences, but they still lived pretty similarly to Americans. Everything was fast paced and revolved around work. But really, I've come to admire the way Mediterranean people live their lives. They take their time. They enjoy life and base their worth on who they are...not their jobs. The enjoy time with their friends and eat outside. They DO work hard, very hard, but never forget to make time for whats really important. I've met the most amazing people on shoots, and off, and am so grateful to have been given this opportunity to experience the world. I hope to move back to Los Angeles with two new languages ( Spanish & Catalan) and a whole new outlook on everything. 

view of the city

flea market

Tibidabo Church (ontop of a really frighteningly high mountain. What's with churches being ontop of mountains!?)

Catalan Independence Flag

Hubby

our baby! (Lucy the cat who absolutely loves the laundry basket)

me!!

Process

Before a couple weeks ago, unless I was working with a client, I shot solely on my Nikon D50. I got it when I was 17 after I sold pieces from an art show. I became really attached to my camera and couldn't convince myself to give it up completely. But last month it started to have some problems so I had to upgrade to the Nikon D3100 which I'm really starting to love. I can't wait to start shooting video!

The process of creating images for me has always involved a lot of Photoshop. I used to edit on the mousepad of my laptop but about 6 months ago I got a bamboo tablet and haven't looked back since. But my laptop still bears the marks of my editing process and people tend to laugh when they see it .The paint has completely worn off on one spot!

For my Ave Maria shoot I went in with the idea that I would somehow incorporate an immaculate heart. It was tough and took a couple days, a lot of textures, and a drawing of the heart with lots of shading and coloring (tons and tons of work). But the end result turned out great and I'm still very happy with it. 

I always use natural lighting. Because I never took a class for photography the thought of learning lighting frankly scared me. Because of that I spent a lot of time trying to figure out when the best time of day was to shoot. After 6 years of shooting I have figured it out for the most part and really enjoy how it looks over artificial light. 

I'm going to post a lot about the process I use on my photos in the future. I hope it can be helpful!

Model:Kathryn from Vision Models

Makeup & Hair: Mathias Alan

Wardrobe: Rodelle Farren "Adore Vintage"

I recently shot the winter lookbook for Threadsence.com called "We're All Mad Here". Check it out on their website as well as the video they shot. 

I have loved the painting "Ophelia" by John Everett Millais for a very long time. When I went to the Tate Britain this Summer I actually had no idea that she would be there but when I saw her I was amazed. She was even more beautiful than the photos I had seen of her. Everyone knows the story of Hamlet, everyone knows how tragic Ophelia is, but something about the painting made it really hit home how sad the story really is. This woman, so rejected,so beaten down by the man that she loves, decides to kill herself. Maybe the desperation in the painting is so real because the model, Elizabeth (Lizzy) Siddal, lay in a freezing cold bathtub so long that she got sick before John even noticed. But maybe that's why he didn't notice. Ophelia's story was real, even if for a few hours, in that freezing cold bathtub. Lizzy had become the embodiment of Ophelia, had transformed herself, which is why she never complained even when she started to get cold and sick. I knew I had to do a shoot based around this painting not only because I loved the piece but because I know that feeling so well. I often trudge through lakes, spend hours after my photo shoots editing, even if I'm starving or tired. All that matters is the art and where it takes you. It's such a rush.

John Everett Millais loved Hampstead Heath. He visited often for strolls and liked to paint it. I like to think that this is the area he had in mind when he painted her because the landscape was so similar to the painting.

I contacted two amazing artists, Julianna Grogan, who does both makeup and hair, and Ashley Bristow, a wardrobe stylist. The whole team, including the model were from outside of England, which I think made Hampstead Heath all the more magical to us. It was so much fun to run around and explode the park, photographing all the places I imagined he had been. It started to rain in the middle of the shoot, something very typical of London weather, and we hurried along to a cute little cafe for shelter and had lunch.

Vanessa (the model) was such a great sport and was determined to get the last and most important image, the image of Ophelia in the water. It was cold and wet yet she put on a thin white dress a posed in the lake for 30 minutes while I took a million photos. It was golden hour and the light was amazing.

This Summer I went to Versailles and took a picture of the ceiling in hopes I could use it for a texture sometime and felt like this was the perfect use for it. The texture blended so well with the scenery and I think really finished the Pre Raphaelite look I wanted.

This shoot has become one of my favorites over the last few months. It's always fun to do shoots based on something you love. I hope to do more shoots inspired by paintings over the next year!